Parenting Advise

I am pretty sick or articles, blogs and studies about parenting and what methods are best to be adopted. Every time I read this I feel like I am breaking my child by choosing to go to work, not breastfeeding until they are 3, technically, not breastfeeding (exclusively pumping instead), not co-sleeping, letting self sooth, etc, etc, etc.

I have come to the following conclusion…. my mom worked, didn’t breastfeed me, didn’t co-sleep and was terribly strict with me…. if the worst case scenario is my daughter turning a little bit like me, I think I can live with that.

Seriously speaking, I try to be auto-critical and be aware of my shortcomings. I’d like to believe that they are a result of more deep seeded issues than whether my mom chose to sleep in the same room (or bed) as me when I was growing up. I think everyone’s circumstances and personalities are different and there are so many combinations of these that it is impossible to come up with a universal parenting solution. Besides, what is the outcome of being a good parent? That can also vary depending on what your priorities are. In my case, I want my child(ren) to be happy, but be good people. I want them to have a sense of responsibility and find a meaning in trying to make the world a better place. Most of those are things I can try to teach and set an example for…however, happiness is a bit trickier. I think that beyond looking at studies and reading articles, the best thing I can do to help my children be happy is to examine my life. In order to be most successful I need to be honest to myself and find the things that make me unhappy and try to find the root of such unhappiness. The beautiful thing is that I don’t have to share this with the world, so I can be completely honest and then try to apply those teaching into my parenting style…..

So, for instance… my biggest source of unhappiness is that I have a lot of insecurities. Where do these insecurities come from? Well, I think partly from being bullied as a child… which I can’t stop from happening to my kids, but I can teach them to stand up for themselves…beyond that, I can make sure that I try to minimize unnecessary criticism and praise them when they deserve to be praised. There will be times when I’ll get frustrated because they are disorganized, or not doing well in school….and I think it is important to be strict with them because at the end these are things that will help them be happy and successful, but I should never put them down. I also struggle with people. I am too critical and resentful and at the end of the day it only damages me. I can try to change that so that my kids don’t learn to hold grudges like I do, or be critical as I am. I can try to purposely say good things about other people so they learn to be positive.

So…..that is the rant of the day. Sometimes I think I need to stay away from parenting articles and groups….they make me just feel inadequate and bad. I need to remind myself that I am trying my best and that is what matters the most.